UK government announce requirements for “distinctly British” content

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UK minister for Media and Data, Edwin Tosser, today announced that public broadcasters will be required to produce content which is “distinctly British” in order to receive taxpayer funding, with ramifications which could drastically alter the BBC’s slate of programming.

“We have seen a real slide in standards over the past few decades,” explains Tosser. “For a nation known for our rich and storied culture, much of our recent media output has become generic and Americanised. Therefore these requirements were essential to herald a return to the quality television for which we were once famed.”

Some shows will need to be drastically altered to remain on the air, whilst Tosser admits others will be cancelled immediately.  The BBC’s beloved Doctor Who will be limited to one non-British based episode per season, with a renewed focus on great British historical moments such as the Battle of Hastings, World War II and the 1966 World Cup.

The Great British Bake Off will continue in mostly unaltered form, only banning the use of foreign ingredients, and with a renewed emphasis on historical British baked goods and an increased prominence of Union Jacks in the decoration of each dessert to contend with.

One of the casualties of the new regime was beloved British naturalist Sir David Attenborough, who has seen his long running partnership with the BBC severed due to his refusal to comply with edits which would see his latest documentaries brought up to code and released as Blue Britain and Planet Britain.

It was not just cancellations however, as several new shows, commissioned to highlight Britain’s rich culture, were also announced. These included Son of Mine, a workplace sitcom about a liberal university professor who is forced to join his father working in a coal mine, set during Thatcher’s Britain; Sir Jimmy, a prestige drama about how Jimmy Savile overcame the barriers of a working class upbringing to become a knight of the realm and an internationally renowned child molester; and no less than seventeen different biopics about various members of the Royal Family.

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