Trudeau unzips his border to allow Biden access to his downstairs population centre


Canadian Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, has taken further steps towards reconciling a relationship with his American counterpart, Joe Biden, by unzipping his border and allowing Biden access to his downstairs population centre. It has been 17 months since Trudeau closed the Canadian border due to Covid, and six months since the inauguration of his old flame, Joe Biden. While Biden was eager to get right back into bed with Trudeau, the Canadian Prime Minister took his time to ensure he had the right protections after a turbulent and stormy affair with former US President, Donald Trump, during which time Canada contracted a deadly virus.

Upon the border reopening, Biden spoke to the media praising Trudeau for “getting tested” and making sure things were “all good down there.” He expressed his delight that the two countries, and indeed the two politicians, could “finally embrace again” and promised that from now on they would be “closer than ever.” Biden then gave Trudeau a ceremonial call to discuss both trade and climate change. While the contents of the call aren’t available for public record, according to insiders there was mention of “cute panties” and things being “really hot” while wanting to “end a dry spell.” 

Trudeau also did his part to welcome the attention of the American President. In a public address he commended Biden for his “commitment” and “forcefulness,” admitting that he was relieved to finally “share the same bed” and was looking forward to getting “taken for a ride.” The Prime Minister was later forced to clarify those highly-charged comments as a hope that Simons, the Canadian bed and bath retailer, would generate more sales from American customers and a reference to the popular amusement park, Canada’s Wonderland. He finalized his address by inviting Biden to experience his GTA-Spot (Greater Toronto Area) as soon as he was available.

As the border opened, a hot splurge of American tourists and businesspeople penetrated cavernous Canadian population centres, such as Toronto, Vancouver, and Montreal, located along the border. The union was frenetic, messy, and marred by fears of infection, but, just like any old border opening, one side was distinctly left thinking “is that it?”

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