Taliban erases America’s Call of Duty save

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Following the news that the U.S. left behind over $85 billion worth of military equipment as the country withdrew from Afghanistan, comes the revelation that an unnamed soldier forgot to log out of the national Playstation Network account on one of the thousands of discarded consoles, meaning the official United States Call of Duty save has now fallen under the control of the Taliban.

Following the withdrawal of armed forces, a staggering array of equipment was left behind and abandoned to the Taliban, including 211 aircraft, 42,000 SUVs, 22,000 Humvees, 500,000 assault weapons and the Call of Duty save game, including over $23 of COD points and 14 customized operator skins.

There was much speculation over what the Taliban would do with control of the US’s gaming arsenal, with President Biden reportedly considering actions ranging from a Seal Team Six extraction mission, an emergency drone strike and another invasion of Afghanistan. “Now listen here, Mack: taking our accounts? That ain’t right man. There’s no honor in that. Where I grew up, you put your nickel on the pool table and you respected that. We put in a lot of hours grinding for that XP man! Hard earned! Now you didn’t work for that! Like my aunt, Eustice O’Neill-Biden always said ‘When you cheat you ain’t cheating no one but yourself.’ So let’s play for the account: Hardcore Free For All. First to thirty kills. Winner takes it all. I’ll see you in the lobby Jack!”

However Taliban leader Mullah Hasan Akhund went live on the official Taliban Twitch stream, declining Biden’s ultimatum and taking decisive action, promptly erasing America’s save. Akhund explained to the world: “No more will Great Satan haunt the world. Their killstreak has been ended, I spit on their grave and teabag their corpse. But if the infidel Biden wants to visit my Animal Crossing Island he is of course welcome.”

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