Spike In Coronavirus-related baby names

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Statistics have shown a drastic increase in COVID-related baby names amongst unimaginative people who name their children after the words they most frequently hear coming out of the television. Whilst Khaleesi was previously the go-to name for parents seeking to use the birth of their children to honor a thing on TV that kills a load of people, the novel coronavirus has opened up a whole new host of exciting possibilities. Both Corona and Covid have cracked the top 500 most popular baby names for 2020, with SARS-CoV-2 proving less popular but still rising 3000 places from its placement on the 2019 list. Lockdown and Sanitizer also showed marked increases, with Mask reaching levels not seen since its Jim Carrey inspired peak in 1994.

The Gray family, who last year welcomed their child, Dr Anthony Fauci, to the world, have recently announced they are expecting twin girls, due to be named Pfizer and Astra Zeneca. “We don’t want to foster competitiveness, that’s not what we’re about. We said last year that we’d love Dr Anthony Fauci whether he became a doctor, a professor or a plumber and it’s the same thing with our daughters,” said father, Alan Gray. “Obviously the first born will receive the honor of being Pfizer but just because she’s named after an inferior, widely distrusted vaccine that doesn’t mean we’ll love Astra Zeneca any less. We’re not just giving her a name, we’re giving her a teachable moment.”

Mother, Lisa Grey expanded “Parenthood is full of so many landmarks. For some it’s the birds and the bees talk, for others it could be the death of a pet, for Alan and I, it’s going to be the day that Astra Zeneca comes home in tears and says ‘Mommy mommy, the kids at school say that my name is linked to a four in one million chance of blood clots.’

Both Alan and I were burdened with less than inspiring names and from our very first date we were in agreement that we would use the birth of our children to make a statement.”

“And that statement is vaccination is important!” chimes Alan.

The Greys never wavered from this commitment and while they dismissed Moderna as an “ugly name” they did reveal that the twins would have been named Johnson and Johnson if they were boys.

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