Siberia literally self-destructing in protest over opposition crackdown


Another massive sinkhole has emerged in the vast Russian territory of Siberia, the latest in a lengthy and mysterious series of self-destruction over the past several years. Dating back to 2014 a staggering seventeen huge sinkholes have formed in the Siberian wastelands and on this most recent occasion the sinkhole has been measured at a whopping 165 ft deep. Corresponding with previous incidents, evidence this time seems to again confirm the idea that the Russian countryside is physically rebelling against the Kremlin after the poisoning of Alexei Navalny on August 20th. 

It has long been speculated that the Russian countryside is wary of Vladimir Putin’s autocracy emanating from Moscow. Far away, over the Urals and into the depths of the world’s largest country, where it smells ever so slightly like cheaper vodka, the ecosystems and natural processes of Siberia are yearning to free themselves from his oppressive yoke. This resource-rich part of the country, which is relatively people-poor, is a critical part of the Russian Federation. Because of those biophysical qualities the region naturally comes with some extreme means of protest. Scientists have been quick to explain the explosions and resulting sinkholes as ramifications of freshly exposed methane igniting under the hot summer temperatures, which have reached 40+ degrees. However, cynics posit that there is a deeper plot afoot. 

The year these eruptions first began, 2014, was the year in which Putin began his authoritarian conquest internationally by annexing Crimea from Ukraine. The sinkholes have continued since then with the most recent example being reported days after opposition leader Alexei Navalny was taken ill on a plane trip from Tomsk to Moscow. Regarded by some as the man Putin fears the most, he has been extradited to Germany where it was confirmed that he suffered Novichok poisoning. A favourite of Putin’s, Novichok is a lethal nerve agent which has been used to kill and intimidate opposition leaders like Navalny and defectors Sergei and Yulia Skripal. This, it seems, was another occasion which has prompted Siberia to self-destruct in solidarity with Putin’s opponents. 

Furthermore, fresh reports coming from Yamal have identified a large convoy of unmarked military vehicles heading towards this latest sinkhole with hundreds of tons of Novichok. While it may seem inconceivable for Putin to poison the countryside into submission; if history is any teacher, not even nature is impermeable from Putin’s wrath.

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