Robert Pattinson contracts Covid-19 in preparation for Boris Johnson biopic


Robert Pattinson was in buoyant mood earlier today as he revealed he had tested positive for COVID-19, also announcing that he is set to star as Boris Johnson in a new film about Brexit.

The heartthrob revealed, “I never wanted to be one of those actors who relied on my looks, you know? Every decision I’ve made since Twilight has been governed by how can I push myself? What unseen facet of my humanity is this representing? How would this character have a wank? Would he have a wank at all? The answer is normally, though not always, yes.”

Since his early twenties, Pattinson has become one of the most exciting onscreen presences in cinema but does he see himself as the pioneer he is?

“Consciously or subconsciously, Christian Bale has always been a real inspiration to me and I guess I’ve kind of followed his career. He’s really one of the great British actors and what did he do? He played Batman and then he went off and got fat to play Dick Cheney. I was reading about that film and did you know how much he research he did into heart attacks before playing Cheney? I’d be pretty confident letting him perform cardiothoracic surgery on me!” the hunk laughs. “So really I wanted to one up that. When the opportunity to play Boris Johnson came along, I initially said no. It wasn’t a compelling enough challenge to physically transform myself into this weird little goblin of a man, I wanted to do something that had never been done before. I mean I guess there was the age thing…”

Being 34 years old and twice named one of the sexiest men alive by People magazine, Pattinson is not an immediate double for the unsightly Johnson. However, the film, directed by Richard Linklater, is not set to shoot for around three decades, by which point it is hoped that Brexit will be completed. “But then I kept seeing the news and all these stories of him getting the coronavirus and it suddenly occurred to me: has any actor ever contracted a disease for a role? And you know what, I don’t think they have.

It kept me up all night, which, incidentally, was great for my performance as Batman, just this thought that if I didn’t know what it was like to feel the fever grip my body, to have my lungs desperate gasp for breath, I would be completely incapable of playing this part authentically. I’d just be a complete fraud.

Thing is though, this virus isn’t going to be around when we make the film in thirty years, or at least I hope it’s not.” Pattinson’s blue eyes sparkle with a smile, “So if I really want to get that experience, I had to move fast. Thankfully it hasn’t been difficult. They haven’t done a good job containing this thing at all! Four hours licking elevator buttons and shaking hands outside the hospital seems to have done it.”

The Batman opens in theatres 2021 while Untitled Brexit Movie is set to open 2050.

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