Referee launches new w@nker app


It has been a difficult time for sports fans lately and whilst play is beginning to resume after the enforced hiatus of coronavirus, the majority of events are taking place behind closed doors which is robbing many men of what they see as a key part of the game. However, help is at hand with the launch of w@nker, the new referee abuse app.

The app is the brainchild of referee and software developer Ian Ehrlich. “Like so many ideas, it came about in lockdown, during a cold shower with my girlfriend when she called me a useless wanker.” As a result of the coronavirus, times were tight for many including Ian and his girlfriend. “I’d seen the success of platforms like Cameo and OnlyFans and I thought ‘Why couldn’t we do the same thing?’ So it originally started out as a little side hustle and then went from there.”

The app connects angry fans with a referee of their choosing and allows them to take out their rage virtually. W@nker offers a basic subscription-based service which allows frustrated fans to connect with a referee of their choosing and scream abuse at them for thirty minutes per week. However for those looking for something more personal, or for those special grievances, W@nker does offer a range of premium options. The Aim A Penny At The Ref’s Fat, Bald Head feature is hugely popular and adds a competitive element to the app, while for an upgrade fee, fans can learn the names of the referee’s wives, mothers, pets which allows for fans to add that personal touch to their insults.

“Screaming at the TV wasn’t the same,” said Cliff Humford, 54. “It’s not right. It’s like drinking a pint through a straw or having sex with a condom. What’s the point of the game if you can’t scream death threats at the referee?” Men up and down the country shared Cliff’s sentiments. They spend nine tenths of their unfulfilled lives crippled by an impotent rage. But for a few brief hours at the weekend these broken men typically have an outlet for their toxicity. Finally, after months of abuse abstinence they can get back to what they love.

“I was a season ticket holder so I used to be able to see my spit flecked off his face as I was screaming at him. Can’t do that with Corona!” chuckles Cliff.“ But in a weird way, w@nker has actually brought me closer to him. Like all this time I never knew his mum’s name was Martha! That’s my mum’s name! So when I’m screaming about shagging her, it just seems that bit more personal you know?”

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