Queen appoints ‘Diversity Tsar’ to revolutionize Royal Family

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Buckingham Palace has announced the appointment of a ‘Diversity Tsar’, tasked with rebuilding the public image of the Royal Family, in the wake of Harry and Meghan’s explosive interview with Oprah and the revelation concerning racist comments made about their son, Archie. The Diversity Tsar oversees efforts to increase LGBTQ+, BAME, and disabled representation within an institution which is increasingly seen as ‘kind of old-fashioned and a little bit bigoted’. Within minutes of the appointment the Diversity Tsar revealed a slew of radical changes to bring the Royal Family into the 20th century.  

The Diversity Tsar’s maiden act was to rebrand themself as the Diversity Pharaoh, which sounded “a bit more ethnic.”

Following that, it appears that the Royals themselves will be undergoing their own rebrand, abandoning the name of Windsor and returning to their traditional surname: Saxe-Coburg-Gotha. This change is already reflected in the official Royal website, with a new page which recounts the Saxe-Coburg-Gotha’s “proud immigrant story” back to George I, a young migrant who came to the United Kingdom in 1714 with humble dreams of ruling the nation.

The website also announced that they would be firing their entire staff, full of families who had served the Windsors for generations, with a commitment to hire their new indentured servants exclusively from the BAME community.

The Tsar/Pharaoh has, furthermore, placed Princes Andrew and Charles in charge of LGBTQ+ reach out, which saw Charles coming out as gender neutral and announcing their new title “Princx” and their pronouns we/they. In a public announcement, Prince Andrew revealed that he has long considered himself part of the LGBTQ+ community, due to his identification as ephebosexual.

As a final part of their incredible diversity drive, Queen Elizabeth welcomed the first of several adopted Nigerian Princes to the family. Prince Akunna III, an orphaned child from Lagos, Nigeria is eighth in line for the throne and, as Queen Elizabeth proudly declared, is “entirely black, unlike some other princes going around at the moment.” She continued, “we are very pleased to welcome Prince Akunna III to our family and cannot wait to greet him in person, as soon as the funds clear.”

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