Pro-Trump, conspiracy theorist Uncle taking social media break “for mental health”

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A Pro-Trump, Qanon-subscribed Uncle has declared that he is taking a break from social media for mental health reasons. Two days before Joe Biden’s inauguration as President of the United States, Uncle Terry has announced that he will be taking a week’s long hiatus to protect his mental health as the prospect of a Biden Presidency and the “avalanche of socialism that will follow” settle into reality. 

This news was met with cheers from family members who were glad that Uncle Terry, affectionately self-ordained, T-Dawg, was finally vacating their Facebook and Instagram feeds. 

“I’m so relieved!” expressed his niece Erica, 17. “I get that we have different perspectives, and that’s fine, but every day he’s all over my Facebook wall arguing with my friends about Black Lives Matter and which birth control pills we shouldn’t be taking. I ended up blocking him but he kept making new accounts pretending to be people in my High School. It’s been so embarrassing!” 

Even Terry’s sister, Erica’s mum, Marlene, who tries to stay away from political conversations, conceded that this hiatus was much welcomed. “I mainly use Facebook and Instagram as a way to stay in touch with friends. But when Terry is online it doesn’t really feel like my space. Every day he’s posting old photos of us and bringing up all kinds of memories that don’t need to be shared. The other week he posted a photo of us at a concert and said ‘Wasn’t this the night you broke up with that black boyfriend. Great night lol.’”

Garth, Erica’s brother, was the most disappointed by his Uncle’s break from social media. “He shares some pretty funny memes, so I’m gonna miss those,” he recounted. “On the other hand he has an autograph from David Duke and I think he might be a Nazi. So I guess the good comes with the bad.”

For his part, Terry feels exhausted by the past four years. “It’s just so tiring battling these kale-eating, participation-medals-for-everyone-including-the-indians, snowflake liberals at every opportunity!” he exclaims. “You think you’ve finally dunked on them so hard that they’ll go home crying to Mommy and then they move the goalposts! One minute you’re exposing their Soviet Communist sympathies then you have to dismantle the case for gender-neutral bathrooms. It’s exhausting!” 

Terry blames the big social media companies for creating a warped view of reality. “When I speak to folks on the street no one is talking about multiple genders or intersectional who-gives-a-fuck. People are honest folk and in reality they care about honest things like donuts, football, and immigration. I think the social media companies are responsible for creating a fake reality. Like does anybody except liberals on Twitter really believe in climate change? C’mon!”

T-Dawg has informed his family, and members of his wider Facebook audience (which includes relatives in Europe, Russians posing as white supremacists, random porn stars, aspiring com-memians, real white supremacists, and an old college friend), that over the next week he will spend time rebuilding his mental wellbeing by doing daily meditation, trying a juice cleanse, going on long walks, and shooting an effigy of Nancy Pelosi in his backyard.

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