President Biden accuses Martin Scorsese, Lucky Charms of anti-Irish racism

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During his St. Patrick’s Day address, President Biden took a strange digression which saw him take aim at anti-Irish racism in the media, in particular the film director Martin Scorsese: “And another thing Jack, that Marty guy got some nerve with his last picture? The Irishman? Gimme a break! There’s not an Irish man in there! He’s got DeNiro and Joe Pelosi and Al Pesci. Those guys couldn’t tell their Clonegal from their Clonaghadoo! Now I’m real Irish by the way man. I’m more Irish than a pint of Guinness so you better believe me when I tell you I’m pissed off man. He got a bunch of spaghetti slurping, pizza eaters in there pretending to be Irish and that just don’t sit right with me man.

We’re seeing People Of Celt excluded from all kinds of roles and that isn’t fair to the many POCs that build this great nation. You gonna be the one to tell a young lad from Dublin that Robin DeNiro has to play his part? Come on man! That ain’t right. This is the land of opportunity! I’m talking about representation here Mack! We need to pass legislation that you have to have at least three positive onscreen Irish roles in each picture and I’m not talking about the usual stereotypes like a drunk or a Leprechaun or a terrorist. Irish roles for Irish actors, that’s what it’s all about and if Martin Scorsese got a problem with that you can tell him to come down here and I’ll show him the mean streets I grew up on. My uncle was a bare knuckle boxer and man that guy could throw fisticuffs… Robert Biden… won the Dingle Ding Dong ten years in a row. By the last one, he didn’t have a tooth in his head. You shoulda seen my auntie man! She knew how to swing a rolling pin!”

After a not-so-brief oral history of the Biden family, the President returned to topic, praising the contribution of Irish immigrants to the United States and lamenting the persecution of his ancestors: “Throughout history, there has been no race more oppressed than the Irish and we gotta do something about that. Remember those ‘No blacks, no dogs, no Irish’ signs? I’m telling you, no one has had it as tough as the Irish and the things we’ve faced over the years. Lucky Charms? They’ve gotta start paying reparations man because they’ve taken a lot from us Irish over the years and they haven’t given anything back. I said to Barack many times, you have no idea what my people have gone through over the years and how hard I had to work to become the first Irish VP and now the first Irish President.”
By this point in time, the press office was nearly empty, meaning many missed out on what is being widely considered the post-credit scene of Biden’s St. Patrick’s Day address. “You make sure Martin Scorsese hears this ok? Cause I don’t like the way that guy rolls man. The Marvel movies aren’t art? Gimme a break! Me and Dr Joe Biden saw Ant Man three times in theatres! But the Godfather? Man that’s a snoozefest.”

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