Pepsico rebranding Quaker Oats as “Queer As Fuck Oats” after concerns that figurehead white man from 1700’s was probably racist

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After succumbing to mounting pressure to re-brand their ubiquitous maple syrup brand, Aunt Jemima’s, PepsiCo has taken steps to critically address racial concerns attached to their other brands. Uncle Ben’s – their rice brand – is seen as the next to undergo redevelopment but in a surprise statement this morning a PepsiCo spokesperson informed the press that they have already settled on a revision for their popular Quaker Oats brand. Starting later this year the porridge mix will go under the name “Queer as Fuck Oats.”

In her morning briefing, spokesperson Alison Hartley was quick to address the surprise change. “In looking critically at our historically-inspired brands we recognized that there just isn’t a place for images or figureheads derived from anything prior to 1860. Everything before then can be split between: irrelevant to today’s audience or reflective of ‘the bad years.’ While we acknowledge that Quakers are believed to have been early proponents of abolition it is very likely that since they were white men living in the 1700’s – they were probably racist.”

Asked about the updated brand identity Ms. Hartley explained, “In departing the racially insensitive identities of our household brands, we have decided to jump well and truly out of history and into the modern era. If you can call a brand 2020 this would be it. Our new brand identity pays homage to a few things: ‘Queer’ stands for diversity and inclusivity, ‘as Fuck’ represents modern hyperbole and the shifting of language taboos, and ‘Oats’ is obviously a reference to The Office, which is still very popular. We feel all these elements are critical in reflecting the values of our porridge.

While the new porridge brand is already out of the gates we are still left to ponder what will happen to the former Aunt Jemima brand. An early frontrunner is reported to be: Aunt Irma’s Maple Syrup. 

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