New Mary L. Trump book reveals the source of her Uncle Donald’s insecurity is that he has areolas the size of dinner plates

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Among the many explosive revelations in Mary L. Trump’s new book, Too Much and Never Enough, is an incendiary anecdote that the root cause of President Trump’s shittiness is a surprising physical condition. What follows is an anecdote taken from the pages of her new bestseller.

“Once when I was about eleven I saw him without his shirt on. I was shocked to discover that his areolas covered more or less his entire chest. I can remember the moment vividly. It was a family barbecue on the 4th of July and Uncle Donald needed to change shirts after spilling some sauce on his polo – classic him. Instead of heading back to the house he had one of several prostitutes bring him a new one and he just changed in front of the table. It didn’t seem too unusual until I looked again and gasped as I laid eyes on his chest: his whole torso was covered in areola skin. It was ghastly. Some people have large areolas, but his were the size of chinaware. The worst part was it seemed like the skin had a mind of its own. Like it was reaching outwards trying to tickle his neck and rest its delicate edges on his shoulders.”

At that moment it seemed that the whole Trump family turned on her Uncle – calling him names, telling him off, giving him nurples. Supposedly, a few of the cockier valets started licking his shoulders and laughing hysterically. It seems only natural that this episode would have left Donald with serious emotional trauma. A conclusion with which Mary agrees. She finishes this reflection writing that, “He was always a terrible person. But after that things were never the same.”

If true, this recollection begs a challenging question. Does this humiliating episode and the reality of this awful condition justify any of now-President’s actions ? The answer: No, not really.

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