Myspace: “You Can Post Your Porn Here!”

+2

Defunct social media site Myspace has made a late bid to replace OnlyFans, which this week revealed it would be banning pornographic content, with Myspace Tom encouraging sex workers to migrate to the platform in a new sexually explicit video.

Despite its reputation being inextricably linked with pornography, OnlyFans has announced a new puritanical set of rules set to be implemented from next month. Some believe the move has been pressured by credit card companies, others see it as OnlyFans attempting to launder their reputation as a more legitimate business, whilst many more simply see the site alienating its primary audience and user base as an act of social media seppuku. OnlyFans CEO Todd Parker gave little insight into future plans for the platform: “I dunno man! Maybe we’ll become a place for pictures of sandwiches or like videos of cute animals or something! Maybe the new OnlyFans will be like an app where you can order a ride, like a taxi but inside your cellphone. Or maybe it’ll be a way to review strains of weed. Who knows man! Who knows!”

With many companies scrambling to fill the void, Myspace seemed an unlikely contender, until founder Myspace Tom released a bizarre video courting sex workers. After a sensuous striptease, Tom announced the site’s new direction in between bouts of autofellatio: “I know this might not be what you expect. But at Myspace, we’ve always believed flexibility is key. That’s why we want to make it clear that sex work is real work and sex workers will always be welcome on Myspace. You can post porn on Myspace! You can post anything on Myspace! Please just post on Myspace!”

This is not the website’s first attempt to pivot back into the spotlight, conspicuously it was one of the few platforms not to ban President Trump, which some believed was part of a strategy to become a refuge for outcast conservatives, however the move did not come to fruition with the former President reportedly stating he “could do better”.


Update: With OnlyFans reversing its ban on explicit content, a fully clothed Tom released another video where he somberly stated: “That’s probably the best for all concerned. OnlyFans will continue doing what they’re doing, they’re incredibly good at it and so we’ll continue doing what we’re doing. If anything changes then of course sex workers will be very welcome on our platform. In the meantime, I’ve heard Spotify don’t treat artists very well. Does anyone know any musicians?”

Enjoying our content?

Join our newsletter so you can receive our best content right to your inbox.

Subscribe here!