Moon left increasingly desperate after yet another set of astronauts choose the International Space Station as their extraterrestrial destination of choice

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The Moon experienced another dose of disappointment today after NASA astronauts Robert Behnken and Doug Hurley safely landed at the International Space Station following the inaugural manned SpaceX mission. Since a number of high profile moon landings in the 1960’s and 70’s the Moon has been left distraught and alienated by the abrupt, and continued, loss of visitation. This year marks 38 years since the last moon landing. Punctuated by this most recent snub, the Moon is reportedly beginning to feel “kind of like that guy Charlie from Flowers for Algernon,” a classic rags-to-riches-to-rags story. 

With Mars a much heralded destination for upcoming extraterrestrial voyages it seems the Moon has been totally forgotten about between the safe haven of the ISS and the exotic temptation of the Martian landscape. A press release from the Moon’s official PR team suggests that the Moon is planning a complete renovation of its facilities starting with an overhaul of its sanitary facilities – of which it currently has none. The release quotes the Moon as saying “I get it. You need somewhere to shit. Done. But how about Ski Slopes? I can invest in some fake powder, you don’t need to bring your own. You’ll also be excited to hear that we’ll be offering a complimentary breakfast buffet for bookings 3 days or longer. You’ll just need to bring your own cutlery.”

There are those on Earth who are concerned about this trend and the Moon’s increasing disenfranchisement. A group of astrologers worry that notes found in the Moon’s diary indicate it could snap and do something as drastic as altering Earth’s tidal patterns, hurling itself into the sun, or helping Mercury into retrograde. This view is contested however by several astronomers, who assure us that the Moon just isn’t capable of that and that this episode has in fact prompted it to finally start mindfulness meditation. Whatever the case, we’ll be dying to try out the breakfast buffet once we have to abandon Earth in 2063.

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