Kanye West achieves goal, suspends campaign

Lauren Petracca/The Post and Courier, via Associated Press


Kanye West today suspended his campaign for the Presidency of the United States. After officially announcing his candidacy on the 4th July, West had been gaining momentum amongst voters who weren’t sold on either of the senile, alleged rapists put forth by the Democrat and Republican parties. However, after a grueling twelve day long campaign, West appears to have withdrawn from the race.

He faced an uphill struggle, having missed the deadline to appear on the ballot in the majority of states, and now appears to have succumbed to reality, if only momentarily.

A spokesperson for Mr West had this to say: “This was never really about politics for Kanye. From the moment he first dreamt of running for President, as the words were coming out of his mouth at the VMAs five years ago, he had a very crystalline vision. He dreamt of an America that overcame its divisions. He dreamt of states that were united. He dreamt of men, women and children, wearing overpriced shoes from sea to shining sea, in a glorious utopia, soundtracked by his music.

This campaign was never about just winning an election, it was much, much bigger than that. It was about transforming the nation, and at least one of its citizens, by selling a lot of shoes and/or albums.

While this attempt at winning the Oval Office might not have ended in Kanye’s election, it did get him several million dollars worth of free advertising, further enhanced the West/Kardashian brand and also provided some much needed attention to one of the most demanding egos around, so who is the real winner?

Biden and Trump are going to be out of office, and in all likelihood dead, within eight years, but the legacy of Mr West’s new album Donda will live forever.”

The spokesperson refused to rule out future runs in 2024, 2028, 2032 or whenever West feels like he needs some attention. Ever the pioneer, using the highest office in the free world as a springboard back to relevance may be Kanye West revolutionizing the music industry once again and we can look forward to short lived political campaigns becoming part of the new promotional circuit.

While his run may have lasting repercussions for the music industry, it is unclear quite how much of an impression West has left on the world of politics. Despite fears from the Biden camp that the presence of an actual Black man in the race might remind people that, despite standing next to Obama for eight years, Biden himself is not in fact African American, but is in fact the author of the crime bill, polls show that Kanye West’s influence on the election was in fact minimal.

Nevertheless, West’s concession will come as a tough blow for fans of public mental health crises, people who believed that politics really needed the presence of another impulsive celebrity and morons at large. Elon Musk was contacted but declined to comment.

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