J.K. Rowling announces new edition of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

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Fans of the boy wizard will be delighted that J.K. Rowling has today announced the publication of an extended edition of the third book in the series, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Speaking at a press conference earlier today, Rowling said: “While I’m largely happy with my multi-million dollar franchise, I have always had one regret about Prisoner of Azkaban. As so many know, I’ve had the ending to the series clear in my mind since day one and while this won’t change the destination, I do feel like I missed an important part of the journey. 

I’ve had a lot of time to think lately and after spending some time online, I realized that I cannot remain silent any longer. Creators tinkering with beloved works of fiction is always well received by fans so I can’t wait to see the reaction to this new edition of Prisoner of Azkaban.

This will resolve a major issue which has been concerning me for a while now, I somewhat glossed over it at the time but I think it was an issue which cast a long shadow over the series.”

The third book was notable for being the introduction of fan favourite character, Sirius Black and it is he who is the focus of this new edition.

“I think it was rather reckless of me to introduce Sirius and the concept of Animagi without getting into the biological truth of it all.” For those unfamiliar with the series, an animagus is a wizard who possesses the ability to turn into an animal at will, with Black notable for his ability to turn into a large, black dog. “It’s actually a misconception to say that Sirius was a dog or he turned into a dog, when what he really was, was an Animagus dog.

He lacked the true lived experience of being a dog which prevents him from being considered a genuine canine and to say that he is one is an insult and a threat to dogs in dog only spaces.

Not to mention competition, can you imagine the advantage Sirius would have if he decided to compete at Crufts? He’d win the top prize easily! And then what happens when he’s expected to breed? Everyone knows the ability to reproduce is the defining feature of a dog. No, no, granting Animagi dogs the same rights as real dogs would destroy all of the institutions we hold dear.

I don’t mean this to be besmirch Sirius’ character as there are a lot of fine animagi out there and in fact if I was in the wizarding world, I may very well be one myself, but the fact remains that he is not and never can be a dog.”

To many it seemed like Rowling was banging the drum as the press conference entered its third hour, however this was nothing when the book itself was unveiled. Originally the third shortest entry in the saga at 317 pages, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban now coming in at 1477 pages, with the additional content solely devoted to an argument Rowling appears to be having with herself.

Rowling was optimistic that fans would find still find the book a captivating read despite the additional 1160 pages. “While yes, in terms of pages it may be longer, I actually think it makes the book shorter in its own way. If they’re anything like my new species-critical friends online, I think children will be fascinated to learn more about the complex issue of animagi rights.”

One of the first children to get their hands on the book had a slightly different view however. Timothy, 9, from Sussex said “I don’t get what all the dog stuff is all about. Why can’t the angry lady just go back to writing about wizards?”

Rowling however was undeterred: “I’m actually thinking of rewriting the entire series from the very beginning. Having the Sorting Hat let Harry choose between Gryffindor and Slytherin was breathtakingly naïve of me. How can anyone consider Harry a real Gryffindor when he was assigned Slytherin by the hat?”

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