Hologram of Robert Kardashian to represent Kanye West in divorce proceedings


Kanye West has controversially hired the hologram of Robert Kardashian to serve as his attorney in divorce proceedings against his own daughter, Kim Kardashian. West famously commissioned the hologram of Kim’s late father as a gift for her 40th birthday mere months ago. It was initially believed that Kim would be keeping the hologram, however it now appears that not only will Kanye be retaining custody of his soon-to-be-ex-wife’s father, but the hologram will also be representing him in divorce court.

“I love my daughter, this is not about that,” said the hologram of the man who defended O.J. Simpson. “Nothing will ever come between me and my baby doll, my darling, darling, darling beloved Kim. She is a beautiful woman, with the smile of a princess, the soul of an angel and the body of a porn star. But Kanye is the most, most, most, most, most, most genius man who has ever lived. My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy redefined music and Jesus is King was very unfairly treated by the critics. To say nothing of his narrow defeat in the Presidential election.

I owe it to my grandchildren to ensure they grow up in the most supportive, mind blowing, artistic frontier pushing environment imaginable and that means staying with Kanye. Now Kimberley, Daddy loves you on a cosmic scale but we’re prepared to do whatever it takes to keep custody. We might have to question your fitness as a mother. Did everybody see her sex tape with Ray-J? Incredibly hot but not the kind of person you want raising your kids.”

Since separating from Kim, Kanye and holo-Bob have been living out of a Vegas motel where they are currently collaborating on Kanye’s latest album, reportedly titled Heartbreaks and 808’s (a clever and artful homage to West’s 2008 album 808’s and Heartbreaks). “What a lot of people don’t know about me,” says Kardashian (aka K-Easy), “is that along with being one of the foremost defence attorneys in the nation, I’m also a gifted rapper. ‘If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit?’ That was one of my rhymes. I came up with that.”

The album’s first single, Bitch Wife, a song about enjoying the freedoms of bachelorhood from the perspective of a hologram holed up in the Fantasy Motel with a bi-polar rapper, is expected to drop soon, although rumours are that Mr. Kardashian is advising his soon to be ex-son-in-law and newfound rap partner to wait until after the divorce settlement to release the track.

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