Hologram of Richard Nixon to speak at 2020 RNC, 2024 DNC

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The full schedule of speakers at this year’s Republican National Convention was released today with a surprising guest closing out Tuesday night. Using the state of the art technology which allowed Tupac to perform at Coachella, former president Richard Nixon will address the convention on the topic of trust and integrity.

Hologram Nixon joins a packed slate of speakers which includes: Donald Trump, Donald Trump Jr, Eric Trump, Ivanka Trump, Melania Trump, Barron Trump, Tiffany Trump, Jared Kushner, Kid Rock, Jon Voight, James Woods, the chair Clint Eastwood spoke to at the 2012 convention, Papa John, a talking handgun, the Tickle Me Elmo which was recalled for saying racial slurs and the ghost of an aborted foetus.

President Trump tweeted his approval of the decision: “GREAT choice. One of my favorite presidents. WATERGATE WITCHHUNT. Dustin Hoffman should APOLOGIZE.”

Chairman of the DNC, Tom Perez, took the opportunity to condemn the Republican party for choosing to resurrect one of America’s most controversial presidents in the run up to this election: “It’s an absolute disgrace. The American people’s trust in politicians is at an all time low so for the Republicans to resurrect a president who resigned in disgrace at a moment like this is really unthinkable.

At the same time, I would like to take this opportunity to announce the first speaker at the 2024 Democratic National Convention, 37th President of the United States Richard Nixon! 

We are delighted that the hologram of President Nixon has accepted our invitation to address the convention and we believe it’s a great indication that we alone can unite the country, living and dead, Democrat and Republican alike. As Yet Unnamed Republican nominee poses an unprecedented threat to the existential fabric of this nation and it is of the utmost importance that we come together to defeat him/her/them.”

President Nixon was unavailable for comment.

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