Free Pokémon cards to be offered in vaccination drive

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Free limited edition Pokemon cards will be offered to those who receive a vaccination against coronavirus, in a bit to boost takeup rates. This collaboration with the Nintendo corporation is the latest incentive to encourage vaccination, following promotional offerings from Krispy Kreme, White Castle, and Hooters.

“I wasn’t sure about getting the vaccine as I’m not a big fan of needles,” confided Jade Wilson, 31, “But once I found out about the free Pokémon cards, I was like ‘Get that needle in me now!’”

“As millennials we are all about deals,” explained Dan Choi, 42, “So you hear all this civic duty crap: return to normal, protect the vulnerable, yadda yadda yadda and you just think ‘whatever’. But then you hear ‘free Pokémon card’ and suddenly the proposition becomes a lot more interesting! I mean my grandparents only got a sucker and a sticker with their vaccines so I guess you could say they’re the real suckers!”

Dan Bradley, CEO of VaxMe, the largest vaccination marketing company in the world elaborates: “Older generations are much more conscientious and health centric, we didn’t necessarily need to bait them with gimmicks or shake shiny keys in their face to lure them into getting vaccinated. Whereas these millennials, they’re more interested in avocado toast and brunch than they are lethal viruses so we had to meet them on their terms. It was hard finding the right angle!”

With other potential incentives including Rare Pepes, NFTs of popular memes from 2012 and entry to a raffle for student loan forgiveness, Bradley confesses that none of them felt quite right: “Some of the incentives tested very high in some demographics but they all lacked universality. That is until we came to Pokémon.”

Bradley anticipates plain sailing from here on out: “Oh the kids are going to be easy. We have a range of promotional Fortnite skins that they’re going to go crazy for.

Whilst there are no statistics to support Bradley’s claims at this point, anecdotal evidence does seem to suggest the program has been a success. Lewis Ford, 26, yoga coach and antivaxxer, explains “I’m still vehemently opposed to the new world order plot to rewrite our DNA, strip our human rights and create a legion of zombie slaves but now that it comes with a free Pokémon card, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little bit interested.”

Whilst many enthusiasts are trading, to get their hands on the most desired limited edition cards, Nintendo have been criticized for encouraging citizens to get vaccinated multiple times in order to obtain all four collectibles.
“I got Pfizerian for my first card and then with a fake ID, I got my second shot and picked up Modernachu. Then I got a few more so I have doubles to trade. I’m not sure how to get my hands on Astaria and Zenestria cause they’re regional exclusives at the moment. Also doctors say if I receive any more vaccinations I may be at risk of permanently compromising my immune system! Gotta catch ‘em all! LOL!”

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