Enterprising child starts vaccination stand


Following the news that two Stanford scientists had posted the mRNA sequence of the Moderna COVID vaccine to Github, Tyler Edwards, a ten year old boy has launched a vaccination stand in his front yard, offering homemade shots for $1 per dose.

Whilst some are surprised that the FDA approved a vaccine produced in a ten year old boy’s bed room, Edwards is delighted to be able to expand the rollout of his vaccine following successful trials on his immediate family.

Justin Edwards, Tyler’s father, spoke about his pride: “Believe me, no one was happier than us when he finally got that vaccine working. I’m terrified of needles so the prospect of getting shot after shot wasn’t really appealing to me but that’s parenthood isn’t it? When your kid makes a life saving inoculation you gotta grin and bear it.”

Tyler was unavailable for comment, occupied as he was by the large line of waiting patients, snaking from his front yard down several blocks, however his parents revealed that “fear of being one of those washed up eleven year olds running a lemonade stand” was often cited by Tyler as his biggest motivation.

The residents of Edwards Massachusetts neighbourhood were the first to be offered the vaccine, officially named the Girlssuck vaccine, and today Adam Fallon became the first out of state recipient, driving from Vermont. “I’m very eager to receive the vaccine and it’s been a complete nightmare getting an appointment in my state. I’d also heard some bad stories about the side effects of some of the other vaccines and the Girlssuck vaccine just seemed like the safest option to me. I’m very happy with my decision. Tyler really put me at ease.”

As for what the future holds, Edwards is optimistic about future ventures into the pharmaceutical industry: “I’m putting all of my resources into an effective vaccine against cooties but realistically that’s at least five years off from clinical trials.”

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