Boris Johnson reveals he had fingers crossed behind his back when he signed Brexit withdrawal agreement

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The United Kingdom has been a target for international condemnation and ridicule after several ministers announced the government’s intention to renege on the terms of the withdrawal agreement, which outlines the country’s departure from the European Union. After months of negotiations between the UK and the EU, an agreement was finally reached in January of this year. After such a long negotiation, the prospect of the Prime Minister throwing away that hard won progress at severe cost to Britain’s reputation seems unthinkable.

Johnson’s proposed Internal Market Bill clashes with terms of the withdrawal agreement, most notably with regards to Northern Ireland, setting the scene for a future violation of the Good Friday agreement. The European Union has made clear that the continued peace in Ireland is not up for negotiation which has led to the UK unilaterally altering the agreement in a flagrant breach of international law and an astounding show of bad faith.

This has drawn widespread criticism from countries around the globe, with Prime Minister Justin Trudeau calling the move “Less than inspiring” and Australian PM Scott Morrison labeling Johnson a “two faced bastard”. Meanwhile in the United States, Johnson has earned the mockery of both Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, “reckless and irresponsible” and President Donald Trump, “dishonest and frankly a little bit childish”, making trade talks with the US seem unlikely.

However Johnson has today made the stunning revelation that he in fact had his fingers crossed behind his back when he originally signed the deal. “There could be no more preposterous show of flagrant corruption than the EU attempting to hold us captive, chained Prometheus-like, to the terms of a withdrawal agreement I signed when my fingers were crossed behind my back.

If we as a nation cannot be free to renege on our withdrawal agreements, our trade deals and our pinkie promises then where does that leave us? It is precisely because of this rigidity, this dogmatic, unthinking immaturity that we are leaving the EU and taking back sovereignty.”

An inspired Johnson continued, “At those who would say this damages our credibility. That this makes us untrustworthy or unviable as a prospective trading partner, I blow a metaphorical raspberry! Britain has a bunch of brand new, shiny Charizards and we will be looking to trade on the playground at the very moment the tyrannical European Union deigns to release us from our shackles.”

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