Boris Johnson announces new Brexit-Inspired strain of Coronavirus


Boris Johnson took to national television today to announce the launch of a special, Brexit-Inspired strain of the Novel Coronavirus. With the UK set to leave the EU Trade Zone on December 31st, the PM declared that this was a fine moment to reassure the EU and the world that Britain is still in business. Citing a historic legacy and an eminent vision for the future Johnson was in high spirits that the best was yet to come from the country about to be discovered down the pub at two in the morning clinging to broken memories and an empty pint glass.

Johnson has begun making a tradition of regularly stoking Brexit sentiment around the holidays. In December 2019 he championed the “Bung a Bob for a Bong” campaign; not to pass marijuana reform, but to hit Big Ben a few times loudly on Brexit day.

“They say that the world is moving East but I beg to differ,” he lambasted. “China may have manufactured this devastating plague – and we know they have experience in these matters,” he continued, presumably referring to the bubonic plague, “but we are thrilled to be able to say ‘we’ve one-upped them’ this time.”

“We had our top Anglo-Chinese scientists working on altering the genetic material of the Novel Coronavirus and the results have been extraordinary,” he blustered. “The virus is no more lethal than it’s primogenitor but it spreads twice as fast particularly among Indo-Europeans. This was designed as a symbolic representation, a homage if you will, to the Great British Empire.”

The announcement was well received by Brexit supporters up and down the country. Jane Plain, of Reading, was enthusiastically hoping to pass on the new strain to her whole family within the coming days. While in the North, Emile Etherson, expressed how he would celebrate the new strain at the pub with a round of Euro-bashing and lager – when he was finally allowed to. Finally, Brexit’s just-about-forgotten love child, Nigel Farage, took to his podcast channel to praise the Prime Minister and serenade Remain supporters with a chant of “You’re getting sick in the morning!”

Enjoying our content?

Join our newsletter so you can receive our best content right to your inbox.

Subscribe here!