Bill Gates seeks divorce consolation from Kanye West

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Microsoft founder, Bill Gates, has been in contact with Kanye West, following his recent divorce, to seek consolation and advice from the world famous rapper. West, who himself divorced his wife of six years, Kim Kardashian, earlier this year and then spent time with a hologram of his ex’s father, Robert Kardashian, producing a new album, is said to be doing so well following the split that he is training to become a “Love Shaman.” Kanye will be continuing his transition to a full-time polymath career as a rapper/producer, designer, bipolar-advocate, failing politician, and now his new vocation: Yeezy the Love Shaman. Gates looks to be his first high-profile client. 

Leaked email correspondence between the two suggests a mutual admiration for each other. Bill confirmed that Kanye was his favourite rapper after Biggie, Tupac, Jay-Z, and Soulja Boy, and Kanye thanked Bill for creating the platforms which enabled him to have a career. Despite the seeming imbalance between their achievement levels, and also their age, Bill seemed to be the one looking up at Yeezy Love Shaman, eager for his advice. Snippets from the emails read:

BILL:
I feel like Melinda was my Kim. Sensual, beautiful, ass like a mini-fridge. I loved that woman. She had a brain like a Windows 7 and a body like an Xbox 360. Just like the Xbox though, one day our relationship was destined for a RROD (Red Ring of Death). I don’t know why it happened or what caused it, but by the sounds of it I’ll have to invest in a new relationship. Do you know if there’s any way to fix a RROD? Or are we done… permanently?

KANYE:
I once wrote a poem that might resonate with you. It goes:

I’m not loving you, the way I wanted to
What I had to do, had to run from you
I’m in love with you, but the vibe is wrong

And that haunted me, all the way home
So you never know, never, ever, know
Never know enough, ‘til it’s over love

Do you like it?

BILL:
Not bad, maybe a little vague. It sort of relates but I’m looking for something deeper. Have anything on vaccines?

Btw, Yeezy, was the sex different after your second surrogate child?

KANYE:
That was a little song called Love Lockdown which went quadruple platinum, man. That means four times excellence. So you can get outta here with that trite critique. I’m the Love Shaman motherf*cka.

Yes, the sex was different. 

While it appears Gates and Yeezy still have some things to sort out, including that Kanye believes Bill invented the original Moog Synthesizer, it seems promising that these two world renowned entrepreneurs and bachelors can smooth out the wrinkles between them and get Bill back on the path towards companionship, possibly, according to some celebrity gossip magazines, with a direct wife swap to form new celebrity power couples Bill Gates-West and Meleezy.

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