Back from the brink: royals announce breeding program

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Prince William and Kate have publicly announced their plans to have a fourth child, refuting allegations of hypocrisy. As Prince William is a vocal critic of overpopulation, regularly urging people not to reproduce, many have called this most recent decision hypocritical; however, the couple insist that a fourth child is an absolute necessity.

He explains: “People simply don’t see that there is a huge difference between the two situations. We’re not having another baby, we’re having another royal baby. I maintain that this planet is overpopulated with normal people but if you look at the amount of royals, we’re actually critically endangered. Kate and I should be applauded for our efforts to increase the population.

Those criticizing us aren’t considering the burdens which will be placed on our child. The offspring of a plumber will likely have a very easy life, free from all stress and responsibility whereas our child, from the moment of their birth, will be carrying the weight of Royal succession.”

Kate expanded on this: “William and I aren’t reproducing for us, we’re doing it for the British people. If something were to happen to the Queen and Charles and William and I and George and Charlotte and Louis then this new baby would be sovereign! Can you imagine what the country would do without a newborn infant to serve as its head of state?”

Prime Minister Boris Johnson, another critic of overpopulation and father of at least six children, was one of the first to celebrate the news: “At long last, we can celebrate this beautiful blooming of our Royal family tree! With Brexit done, we are signing trade deals like nobody’s business, spreading our proverbial seed far and wide and with this news we can look forward to spurting our world beating genes all over the face of the earth, thereby ensuring a supply of blue blood for future generations! I cannot stress enough, the need for a strengthening of the royal gene pool. The last thing we want is for this glorious nation to become a parochial laughing stock ruled by a cadre of incestuous halfwits.”

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