Amazon warriors: accounts leap to defend Jeff Bezos

AP Photo/Jay Reeves

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As Amazon founder and CEO, Jeff Bezos, faces mounting criticism, a number of independent observers have sprung to the defence of the richest man on earth.  The working conditions at Amazon are under scrutiny once more as Alabama employees vote on whether to join the Retail, Wholesale and Department Store Union, with reports that Amazon employees have been forced to urinate in bottles surfacing once again.

Although it is uncontroversial to say that Amazon’s convenience, and Bezos’ wealth, is built on the back of worker exploitation, a number of accounts objected to the implication that employer welfare isn’t a priority for Amazon. “You don’t really believe the peeing in bottles thing, do you? If that were true, nobody would work for us,” tweeted @Amazonnews in response to Congressman Mark Pocan.

This appeared to trigger an avalanche, with thousands of accounts taking to the online barricades to defend Bezos from a variety of accusations, many of which had never been voiced publicly before. “You don’t really think Bezos has instituted the rights to Prima Nocta amongst his employees do you?” tweeted @AmazonSerf “I mean it would be an honor but really, how is one man (even one so virile as Jeff) going to sleep with so many people?”

“You don’t really believe the hair tax thing do you?” posted @AmazonGary “Jeff Bezos is the richest man on earth. Why would he insist new employees make a contribution to a gigantic vault of hair he has stored beneath Seattle? That would just be vindictive.”

However it was @AmazonCryForHelp who had the most concerning defence of the corporation: “You don’t really believe that Amazon has a legion of slaves who have to spend twenty hours a day online scouring the internet to defend the founder from all sorts of accusations and who are docked food if they fail to reach hourly quotas do you? You don’t really believe that these people answered a job advertisement and were then immediately imprisoned in a dungeon beneath Amazon corporate headquarters do you? You don’t really think that these people need you to alert the authorities because all applications on their cellphone apart from Twitter are disabled and their posts are routinely monitored for any signs of Anti-Amazon-Sentiment do you? Because that would just be nuts.”

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