Administrative error sees Savile named in UK honours list


Notorious child abuser Jimmy Savile was named in today’s UK Honours List, instigating a wave of outrage across the United Kingdom. “This most egregious offence makes a complete mockery of the very concept of an honours system,” said a Downing Street spokesperson.

The list includes Brexit Party, MEP Claire Fox; Evgeny Lebedev, the son of a KGB spy; retired cricketer and Brexiteer, Ian Botham; Jo Johnson, the brother of Boris; the Prime Minister’s barber; that woman who Gordon Brown called a bigot ten years ago and Jimmy Savile, presenter, philanthropist and kiddy fiddler.

Eight years into Operation Yewtree, it is still unclear how such a prolific abuser could have flourished in the upper echelons of society but ties to Conservative government are undoubted. A number of Conservatives are due to receive peerages, former chancellors Ken Clarke and Phillip Hammond, along with former Scottish Conservative leader, Ruth Davidson. Davidson is to be honoured in recognition of her efforts, rescuing Scottish Conservatives from the brink of extinction to only endangered status. A notable Conservative absence is former-speaker and Brexit roadblock, John Bercow, being the first speaker in over two centuries not to receive a peerage. “Never mind being denied a peerage, he’s lucky not to be executed as a traitor to the nation and an enemy of the people,” read a statement from Dominic Cummings on personalized stationary with the word “Sir” cancelled out.

The serial rapist is a controversial inclusion, being neither an outspoken Brexit advocate nor directly related to the Prime Minister. Many eyebrows have been raised at Savile’s Brexit silence in the decade following his death, with a number of protesters beginning to gather outside Downing Street arguing that Savile has no place amongst such fine Britons and patriots. “In all the years I watched Jim’ll Fix It, not once did he offer to fix it for us to leave the European Union. He’s a coward, a traitor and hanging is too good for him,” said one of the activists, Carl, 53.

With protests over Savile’s inclusion set to take place around the country, the government sprang into action to address their oversight and clear up what they insist is an administrative error.

 “Jimmy Savile is an infamous paedophile and to overlook that to honour him in 2020 is an unimaginable disgrace,” said the Downing Street spokesperson. “To receive such a hallowed order is meant to be an exclusive privilege which writes your name into the history books. So for us to forget that we knighted Sir Jimmy in 1990 is a terrible oversight for which we owe him an apology.”

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